Sentinel
by KSUnsungHero
Summary: Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: The only thing that has changed from the previous post of this chapter is that the page break I had didn't show up so I had to fix it. Sorry for the confusion. This story is a little different than what I've done before. I like EO but I also think their partnership/friendship is just as good. Maybe they'll end up together in this one. Who knows. Peace.

He spotted her from across the bar and motioned with his arm. He smiled as she made her way to the back booth.

"Hey, El." She grinned and slid in next to him.

"There you are. We just ordered." Casey patted Olivia on the forearm and looked up. Out of the corner of her eye, she'd caught the man staring.

"Great, thanks. Sorry I'm late. Had to stop by Cragen's office." Olivia sighed and shed her coat and scarf. She rested her hands on the table before her and looked around. The bar was starting to fill.

"What'd he want? I thought you were right behind me. Wondered where you went." He cleared his throat when he saw Casey making hand gestures at a man two tables over.

"I just had something I wanted to run by him. What are you doing?" She caught Casey trying to cover up what she'd been doing. The ADA stared down at the table and traced the pattern.

"Don't look, but there's a hunk of a man that's been undressing you with his eyes ever since you came over. Maroon shirt, grey slacks. Go to the bathroom." Casey threw her hands up innocently when Elliot elbowed her in the ribs. She raised her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders.

"The hell are you doing? She doesn't need some stranger's number. I already hooked her up with a friend of mine." Elliot scowled at the man, letting him know Olivia was off limits.

"I am still here, guys. I don't need your help, thank you. And you should know better than to think I'm going to go out with some complete stranger. I don't do bars. I'm sticking to the conventional way of meeting guys." She wasn't sure what conventional was anymore. She just knew she was over do for a date.

"Oh, yeah? And what way would that be? 'Excuse me, sir. If you're done describing how you found the body, I'd really like to meet for coffee.' Face it, Liv, you're not getting any younger." She cringed at the look she got in return. As much as they'd joked about it in the past, it appeared to be a sensitive subject for the detective.

"Funny. If you'll excuse me, I really do have to go to the bathroom." Olivia brushed past the waitress and made her way to the bathroom. She turned around abruptly when a hand caught her sleeve.

"Whoa. Hey, I just wanted to say hi. Billy Wade." He stuck his hand out, waiting for her to accept his introduction.

"Um…yeah. Look, I'm sorry if my friend misled you. I'm just looking to unwind. It's been a long day." She cocked her head to the side and felt a flush rise to her cheeks when he smiled.

"I'm new in town. I'm from the Midwest, actually. My little boy is going to love all the snow. I was just looking for a friendly face. Nice to meet you. Whatever your name is." He stuck his hands in his pockets and took a step back.

"Well, welcome to the city, Billy. Be careful out there." She licked her chapped lips and opened the door to the restroom.

"He's cute, isn't he?" Casey followed Olivia to the sink and leaned against it with her side pressed to the porcelain. She crossed her arms, noticing the blush in the older woman's cheeks.

"I guess. You can have him." Olivia pumped the soap dispenser several times before giving up and going to the next sink.

"It's all you, Liv. He looked sweet. What'd you talk about?" Casey pulled several paper towels out and handed them to Olivia.

"Nothing. He was just telling me how he was new to the city." Olivia shook her hands before wiping them off. She braced herself for the man to be on the other side. She just wanted to knock a few back. Nothing more, nothing less.

"You could show him around. Maybe, casually lead him to your place. When's the last time you got any? Last month? What was his name?" Casey held the door and followed Olivia out. She stopped when Olivia scanned the bar. She saw her relax upon seeing the man was nowhere to be seen.

"Casey! His name was Ben and we went out twice. If you could call it that. His ex was on the phone with him the whole time. Ask her how it went." Olivia sped up, indicating the conversation was considered dropped.

"What took you so long?" Elliot pocketed the napkin he'd folded up. He wasn't sure why he'd even accepted it. The guy had another thing coming if he thought Elliot would allow him to date his partner. Not that he had any say in the matter. He liked to think he did, though.

"Girl stuff. Oh, good. The dip is here." Olivia grabbed a chip and swirled it in the creamy mixture before biting off a piece.

"Right. What'd you have to talk to Cragen about?" He'd seen the time off request on her desk and hoped she'd come to him. He'd waited all day.

"Oh, just this thing I have coming up." Olivia glanced down at the table, wishing she could crawl underneath. She had expected him to drill her. She just hoped he'd do it in a more private setting.

"Who's playing?" Casey took in the uncomfortable moment of silence that followed Olivia's statement. She scooted the bowl closer and stole a chip.

"Huh? Oh, I don't know." Olivia stood slightly and leaned over the table to get a better look.

"You gonna' start on that or save it for later?" Elliot clicked his bottle against hers, sending the over the top. It ran down the sides and onto the table.

"I'm starving. I was about to gnaw my right arm off." She grabbed a napkin and wiped off the sides of the bottle before downing a third of its contents.

"If you're done hogging the dip, can I have some? I didn't get lunch, either." Elliot snagged a chip and dug into the untouched portion of the container.

"Cragen working you hard lately?" Casey was just getting into the swing of things after having been on vacation for a week. Her apartment had never looked cleaner.

"Eh, I guess. No more so than usual. Just didn't get a chance to get out today. Our day to catch." Olivia laughed when the dip Elliot had been balancing on the tip of his chip fell down onto the table.

"Damnit!" He tossed the uneaten chip back in with the rest and rubbed his hands together to get the salt off.

"Order something else. The chicken fingers are good." Casey grabbed a menu and opened to the second page.

"If you're twelve, yeah. I want a burger. A fat, greasy burger." He grinned when he spotted it on the menu.

"That sounds good. Get an extra basket of fries." Olivia licked her fingers and grabbed another chip.

"And…I'm done. All yours, Liv." Casey scrunched up her nose and gestured for Olivia to take the basket.

"Great, thanks." Olivia nibbled on the chip and stilled when she saw him staring at her once again.

"Want me to say something? Get him off your back?" Elliot shifted in his seat so he could see the man more clearly.

"He's hardly on my back. He's completely harmless." Olivia motioned for the waitress and gave her their order.

"Famous last words." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and licked his lips.

xxx

The day had been relatively uneventful. She had a glow about her he hadn't seen for a while, and he wondered what the source of such happiness was. He stared at her from across the threshold. Raising his eyebrows, he made a gesture with his arms outstretched. Spill it.

"Billy invited me to go to the park on Saturday afternoon. He's new to New York and wanted to show his son Devon. What?" Olivia frowned at the exasperated look Elliot had given her.

"You know the guy, what, two days? Two days and you're going to the park when I've asked you countless times to go with the kids. Not once have you ever come along. Whatever happened to not going out with complete strangers? You don't even know this guy." Elliot felt his anger rising. He wasn't even sure why he was mad.

"I said I was busy, and it was only once. If you had asked again, I might have been available. Don't take it personal, Elliot. Why are we even arguing about this? You're the one who gave me his number, so don't turn this around on me." Olivia shook her head and rested her hands on her hips once she was standing.

"Yeah, well, I shouldn't have. I didn't think you'd actually go out with the guy. I thought you had enough common sense." He stalked over to the coffee pot and turned back to face her once again.

"Nice, Elliot. What's the real issue here? You've never had a problem with me going out before. Why now? Why him?" She shifted her weight onto her left leg and waited for a response.

"All the other guys you knew for at least a week. How do you know he's not married? I'm just looking out for you." He knew he was grasping at straws. His defense was weak, at best.

"You just don't want me to see anyone you don't approve of. Well, you know what? You don't get to make those kinds of decisions. You didn't before and you sure as hell don't now. So, either tell me what the real problem is or let it go because I'm too damn tired to argue with you about this now." She lightly kicked the chair leg. She really wished she had a drink.

"Forget it. You want to date him, go right ahead. Don't come crying to me when it doesn't work out. I thought you were leaving for the night." He saw the flicker of hurt flash across her face and sighed.

"I had to leave a note for Cragen to remind him of something." She was getting fed up with his meddling.

"You're taking off work to go to the park? I saw the form on your desk." He regretted his assumption the moment he'd gone there. What she did on her own time was none of his business. He knew that.

"No, you nosy son of a bitch, I'm not. I have an appointment; two entirely different things. I can't believe you would accuse me of such a thing. You know, I thought it would be nice to get out and do something for a change because I honestly can't remember the last time I did. Thank you for ruining the mood. Anything else before I leave?" She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes.

"Sorry. I just…I don't know what my problem is." Elliot watched her eyes, waiting for her to open them again.

"I don't either, but it's pissing me off. I don't even know where this thing is going. It could turn out to be nothing but I'll never now if I don't try. So, just…let me have this. I think I deserve to be happy for once, don't you?" She eyed him, tapping her foot.

"Yeah. Sorry." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He'd blown it. It wasn't as if he didn't want her to find happiness. It was just so damn hard to see her falling for someone, knowing that he was still alone. Then there was the protective nature he'd developed whenever it came to her and the opposite sex. She'd never had an older brother to look out for her, and he'd taken on that role early on in their partnership. She'd gone enough years without it, and as hard as it was to stand by and let some arrogant asshole enter the picture, he knew it was the right thing to do. She was right, as usual. She did deserve to be happy.

"I'm going to go. Bye, Elliot." She blinked slowly, letting her eyes close briefly.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Liv." Elliot sighed in defeat. He clicked off the lamp and scooted in his chair. There was nothing left for him to do.

"That's what I was sticking around to tell you. Tomorrow is the day I asked off, so I guess I'll see you on Wednesday." She rubbed her eyes and felt the incessant throbbing ebb slightly.

"Oh, okay. Bye, then." He powered down his computer and grabbed his suit jacket before giving her a small wave and watching her leave. He saw her bring a hand up to her temple. She'd been doing that a lot lately.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: To those of you who are still reading or interested in reading, thanks for bearing with me. I just moved halfway across the country and am looking for a job. The net is pretty shotty, but we're getting a modem today. All together now, "woohoo!" Review, please, after you read this. Let me know what I'm doing right/wrong/everything in between.

The sound of dishes banging against each other greeted Olivia as she walked into the diner. She spotted him in a corner booth, his usual. She took a deep breath and slowly made her way to where he sat, head down, picking at his meal. His head jerked up as she approached.

Elliot shoved the plate toward her and scooted over in the booth. He cocked his head to the side, studying her, when she remained standing. Her eyes were bloodshot.

"Want to take a walk?" Her voice was somewhat scratchy from the recent cold she'd acquired. She pulled out a wadded up ball of tissue and turned her face to dab at her nose before sticking it back into her pocket.

"Alright." He gathered the bill and stuck a twenty on top before turning them both over and sticking the plate partially over the corner. "Lead the way."

"I half expected a call today. I don't know why. Heard a bunch of sirens. Was it busy?" She heard his heavy footsteps behind, scraping against the salt-covered pavement. It had yet to do anything, weather wise, but the city was prepared nonetheless.

"Nah. A few open-shut cases. Got lucky. You get any sleep?" He quickened his pace a bit to catch up but hung back, giving her space to say whatever it was she needed to on the bitterly cold night that it was. He could see the slight tremor in her body as a gust of wind blew in from the north.

"A little. I uh…I started seeing someone…a therapist. My physician recommended it. Said the headaches were from stress and from not getting enough sleep. I'm supposed to give this to you." She rifled through her bag and retrieved a piece of paper, folded in half. "I haven't had homework in twenty years."

"Lizzie tries to get me to do hers all the time. At least it doesn't involve some strange form of addition they're teaching the kids these days. When's it due?" He scanned the document and folded it back up, not wanting to make her uncomfortable by forming answers to the questions in her presence.

"Friday. I have another appointment. I won't have to leave for that one, though." She rounded the metal post and sat down on the nearest swing. The park had long since been abandoned for the night. She stuffed her hands into her pockets and turned to the left, then right, repeatedly on the swing.

"Did it help? Talking?" He hiked his pants up a bit and sat down beside her. He hadn't been near one in a while, and he remembered why he always hated it when his kids asked to swing with them. The back of his thighs already hurt.

"Not really. Just went over the basics, I guess. It gets more involved later on." She drew a small circle in the dirt with the toe of her shoe, then two more. The snowman was lopsided and she erased it all together.

"Why didn't you go to Huang?" He stared down at his shoes. He needed more dress clothes, but the tuition to the kids' private school had already put him behind on his bills. It'd have to wait.

"This lady, she specializes in certain things. Things from growing up, you know? I wouldn't want to get my head shrunk by a friend." She could already see his look of pity, the way he'd raise his eyebrows and the stillness in his features as he stared at her, psychoanalyzing the expression on her face.

"Right. What I said the other day…take off whenever you need to, Liv. If it's a week, it's a week. None of my business what it's for." His eyes traveled from the faded denim covering her legs to the sweater that peeked out of the bottom of her jacket. "Where's your coat?"

"Didn't think I'd be gone this long. Went out for some cold medicine. Thought it'd help me sleep. Ended up taking a walk." She cleared her throat and swallowed several times.

"Gonna' get pneumonia; then Cragen will have my ass." Elliot took off his coat and got up from the swing. He draped it over her shoulders and rubbed his hands up and down her arms.

"Did you see that guy Wade today?" He took a step back as she stood. The coat looked massive on her, and he wondered if she'd lost weight.

"Billy? Yeah. We met for lunch. My first present." She fished a bag of lozenges out of her bag and shook it. She fumbled with the wrapper before popping one into her mouth. As if on cue, she was struck with a coughing fit.

"He treat you well?" Elliot handed her a new handkerchief he'd stuck into his pocket when she couldn't find an unused tissue.

"Yeah. He's a good guy. No weird vibes from this one." She folded up the cloth and handed it back. "May want to toss that now."

"He have a decent job? Banker? Lawyer?" Elliot sidestepped a leftover hot dog and steered her around the mess.

"Investments. Just got a job at Goldman Sachs. Has a puppy and a parakeet he bought his son to help with the transition. Overachiever." She smiled and tucked away a piece of hair that continually fell into her line of view.

"Sounds like it." He took the initiative and started back toward the car.

"If the offer still stands, I was thinking we could hit the rink tomorrow." Olivia pulled the coat tighter and grabbed both ends with her fingers.

"Dicke's got hockey practice and Lizzie always wants to skate afterward. She'll like that. I'll have Kathy drop the kids off at the precinct after dinner." He tensed, trying to ward off the chill that had crept into his bones.

"So, Dickie's going to be the next Messier, huh? What's Kathy think of that?" She could picture the woman racing for the nearest dentist as her son lost yet another tooth.

"Took some warming up to the idea, but she's okay with it now. We're trying to get him to interact more with kids his own age. He's always doing that internet gaming stuff. I don't like it. Too much he can get into. He came into the living room last weekend and told me another lady had shown up on the screen. Jesus, I thought Kathy was going to kill me when I told her. I knew he'd spill so I figured I'd better first." He had written a note to ask the tech guys how to set up the parental controls on his internet service provider's software.

"I can set it up for you. There are a lot of sites out there that customize your computer for you and filter the content. I can do it tomorrow, if you want." She was amazed at how much she'd learned the short time she'd been cross-trained.

"Sure. Don't let the guys know you're a computer junkie now. Munch will be on your ass about the scheme to spy on the NYPD using its own network." He walked by the diner and spotted his car two stores over. "Get in. I'll take you home."

"I won't argue. Not tonight." She reached over and unlocked his side before fastening her lap belt. She stared out of the window. "God, I'm tired…and cold."

"Think you can sleep tonight?" He pulled out into traffic, purposefully taking the long way.

"Gonna' try. Can't remember the last time I did. Mind won't shut off, ya' know? Some cases are worse than others. I hate losing control. I almost fell asleep just riding to a scene. Only took two minutes to get there and I almost fell asleep. I couldn't risk it. I didn't like not being on my game." She shivered and crossed her arms.

"Everyone has their off-days. You have a fever. You get anything to take on your little stroll?" He drummed his fingers on the wheel as he passed an electronics store that had left one of its radios on.

"Forgot. I blame the delirious state I was in that led me to believe I could walk all the way here." She turned her head to see the disapproving glare she knew was coming.

"Uh huh." He saved the lecture and changed his mind. She needed a bed, not a long car ride to hash out the previous day.

"Don't fall asleep. We're almost there." Elliot saw her nod against the window. He knew that in a matter of moments the battle with sleep would be lost. He knew it as soon as the cool air turned warm.

"'Kay." She felt the car stop and blinked away the haze that clouded her vision. She fumbled for the latch on her seat belt and opened the door. She frowned at the taste in her mouth. No longer able to tolerate the menthol, she spit the small, blue object into the gutter and smacked her lips.

"I'll walk you up and make you some hot chocolate. Get changed and I'll run down to the pharmacy." He ushered her up the stairs and opened the door using the spare key he'd made. "Partners always have a way in."

"Got a copy of your new one before you did. Move-in was a bitch. Why can't we afford places with an elevator?" She chuckled and stepped into the darkness of the entryway. She ran her hand over the wall until she found the switch. "It's a mess."

"Nothing I haven't seen before." He poured a cup of milk and popped it into the microwave. Her apartment could use a good cleaning, he thought. Then again, so could his. Hearing the ding, he pulled out the steaming mug and mixed in a packet of the dark brown mixture. "Hot chocolate's ready on the counter. I'll be right back, Liv."

"Lock the door behind you!" She opened the door all the way once he was gone, letting the warmth of the hallway spill into her bedroom. She folded up his coat neatly and set it on the edge of the bed before slipping on her sweats and a long-sleeved shirt that had seen better days. She padded to the kitchen and took a sip of the hot chocolate. She could still taste the mint. She turned the television on and curled up onto the couch. The surface was cold and she brought her knees up. Slowly her eyes drifted shut.

Moments later, Elliot returned. He cursed the rustling of the bag when it banged against the door jam. He carefully dug out the contents and opened the box of cold medicine. She would have more than enough time to wake up fully before going in. He pried the foil away from the capsule and palmed the two green gel tabs before gently shaking her awake.

"Olivia, wake up for a second." He watched her blink several times to bring him into focus. He held up the two capsules for her to take.

"Horse pills. Damn." After a few large gulps, she managed to swallow them both. "Gotta' remember to set my alarm."

"Just sleep it off. You've got enough time off on the books for a couple weeks. Come in when you wake up." Elliot sat down on the far edge of the couch and turned to face her. Whatever it was that was keeping her awake was the same thing that drew him to her apartment so she wouldn't be alone. He wondered if Billy was thinking about her, if he cared enough to wish her a good night's sleep. If the man only knew how few and far between they were for her.

"Better leave before the weather hits. Supposed to have freezing rain." She yawned and felt the throw being placed over her from the back of the couch. "Thanks."

"It's already started. Gonna' be a mess in the morning." He whispered now, seeing that she was drifting off already. He wasn't sure if it was the walk, the drugs, or both. He just knew that she was getting some well-deserved sleep. He toed off his shoes and sat down onto the chair. He watched her toss and turn before finally settling down. He waited a few hours until he was satisfied that she was okay. "See you tomorrow, Liv."


	3. Chapter 3

It was ten-thirty when Olivia came through the squad room. She felt like shit. If she wasn't freezing cold, she was blazing hot. Her nose was raw from being blown all morning, and her eyes were red and glazed over. It was going to be a long day. She began rifling through her messages when Elliot spoke up.

"You look horrible, Liv." Elliot noticed the slight flush in her cheeks. She was falling asleep at her desk and she'd just gotten in. "Didn't you sleep?"

"Yeah, I slept. Cold medicine knocked me out. I'm still waking up. Now I'm just drowsy." She rubbed her tired eyes. She felt as if she wasn't in her own body, as if she was floating. It was no wonder people were getting addicted to over-the-counter medications.

"Lizzie's sick, too. Looks like you can go home to your nice, warm bed tonight. We'll have to take a rain check on the skating." He pulled out several tissues when she was stricken with a bout of coughing.

"Is she okay?" Olivia groaned and tossed the tissues into the trash can. She cursed when she missed it all together. "Damnit."

"Yeah. Only for you would I do this." Elliot made a face as he carefully picked up each wadded up tissue by whatever unused area he could find. "Don't tell anyone."

"I'll be too busy dying to say anything. Thanks. I didn't want to bend down. Here, maybe it'll work for you." She pulled out a bottle of hand sanitizer and handed it to him. She'd used it all the following week when the department had come down with a nasty case of the cold. One by one, it had spread until the room was a sneezing, hacking group of cops. She'd counted her blessings when she'd been spared; or so she thought.

"I tried some of that stuff you put in water. Forget what it's called. It's effervescent. It boosts your immune system. Working so far." He rapped his knuckle on the surface of her desk. "Stuff tastes like shit, though."

"I bet it's better than the crap I took this morning. Throat was so sore I couldn't swallow the pills you bought. Had to use the liquid stuff I had from years ago. No wonder it's not working. It's probably diluted down to nothing by now." She cleared her throat and pulled out a form from the tray on her desk. "You think people think about all the paperwork they're going to have to do when they sign up to be a cop?"

"Nah. All they think about is making room for all the medals they're going to get." He scoffed at all the rookies that came through the unit and how bored they would get. Ninety percent of 'em were looking for their fifteen seconds of fame. "Coffee?"

"You know what? I think will have some. No, maybe just some juice." She bit her lip, debating whether she wanted the caffeine more.

"I'll get both." Elliot patted his pocket and smiled. The change jingled as he walked away.

Olivia flipped the page of the desk calendar she'd gotten at the dollar store. She got tired of asking what the date was and had finally broken down. The innocent face of a baby kitten stared back at her. She'd always wanted a cat. She could picture it now; single and surrounded by a dozen or more felines as she took on the 'cat lady' role. She chuckled, shaking her head.

"You're right; the drugs do make you loopy." Elliot set the bottle of juice down, next to a steaming cup of coffee. He noticed she'd instantly turned somber. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She gave him a small smile and uncapped her pen. "Just thinking."

"If you're sure." Elliot stared at her, then at the calendar. He frowned, trying to piece together what the significance of the date was.

"I'm sure. Thanks." She had just started writing when her phone rang. She smiled when she heard the familiar voice.

From across the desk, he knew who it was. The way her eyes lit up when she spoke. He became confused when she turned away from him to talk. Her hushed voice and an occasional nod of her head was all that he could detect, but he had a feeling that the call wasn't good. He shook it off and tried to concentrate on his stack of papers to give her some privacy. He glanced up when she set the receiver back down, and waited for her to turn back around. He heard her take a deep breath and slowly swivel her chair until she was facing him once again.

"Pass me the whiteout?" Her fingernails drummed on the surface of the desk, the tapping in-tune with her frantic heart. She averted her gaze when he locked eyes with her. She didn't want to see the cocking of his head to the side, the furrowing of his brows that came with the knowledge that she'd been dumped. She took a deep breath, buried her face in her hands, and exhaled. Her pen rested between the tips of her index and middle fingers of her right hand. She heard his silent footsteps as they rounded her desk, followed by the sound of fabric being creased as his weight settled on the edge of her desk.

"He cancel on you?" Elliot pushed down the anger for the guy he'd never gotten to know that ended up hurting her. The guy he never wanted to give her number to, but reluctantly had because in the back of his mind he knew it was the right thing to do. "You guys were going out?"

"Yeah. Just dinner and a show. Said it wasn't the right time for a relationship." She let out a self-deprecating laugh. She leaned back and tossed the pen onto the desk with a look of disgust.

"After he asked for your number..." Elliot repeated the information in disbelief. Bastard. She was a grown woman, he knew that, but it didn't make it any easier to watch her crash and burn.

"I really need this." She pointed to the cup of coffee and scooted the bottle of juice out of the way. The condensation left a trail of water on her desk, and she wiped it away with the sleeve of her shirt. She took a big swig of coffee, letting the heat soothe her aching body. "He lied. Said he was really sorry, and that he only said he was in investments to get me to go out with him. Wanted to be able to tell his friends back home that he went out with a city girl, whatever that means."

"The hell…" He bit back a slew of choice words and sighed. "I'm sorry. I know you liked him."

"I did. I mean, I didn't really know him, but I liked him." She twisted off the cap of the whiteout and ran the bristles of the brush over a smear where her hand had rubbed against the still wet ink. "God, that's pathetic."

"Not really. You just wanted to find someone. I see the way you look at every couple we walk by on the street. You want that for yourself." He put his hand on the back of her shoulder.

"Yeah. Now I'm going to be the old lady with the apartment that smells like a litter box." She watched his brows furrow in confusion. "Nevermind."

"He's probably kicking himself. Probably just realized what he missed out on." Elliot smiled and squeezed her shoulder and bent down to see her face. "You okay?"

"No. No, I'm not." She tucked her hair behind her ear and sniffled. She really hated being sick. It was making her emotional and out of sorts. "This is why I'm single."

"Maybe it's not the right time." He saw her reaction and instantly bit his tongue. Too late. He'd just given her one of many cliché's women usually hear after a breakup. He may as well have told her there were more fish in the damn sea. Surprisingly, she wasn't angry. She was anything but, and the look on her face was of dejection.

"It never is in this unit." She stood abruptly, her shoulder just barely grazing his as she rounded the desk. She stretched her arms above her head as she walked, trying to loosen up her tired muscles.

"Damn." Elliot sat there, unsure of what to do. He knew what he should do, but she needed time to work things out. A sense of unease settled in his gut. He found her up on the roof, of course. Nineteen degrees on the pavement below and even colder off the ground. He could see her buttoned up shirt flapping behind her as the wind blew the soft material. Damn she was stubborn. And shaking with the cold.

"First time I came up here was maybe my second week in Special Victims." She turned her head slightly to see him out of the corner of his eye. "They had me organizing the file system, getting case files ready; grunt work, pretty much. I wanted to be out there, on the streets. Then, I found this case. Young woman had been at a bar. Mulligan's on Madison Avenue. Guy gave her all the lines, all the good ones at least. Real charmer. They started dating. He walked her home one night, but she never got there because he took her into an alley and raped her. Beat her head in and left her for dead, and I remember thinking as I read the statement that I wasn't ready. I didn't have what it took because things like that, they don't really happen that often, right? I wanted to help people but I had no idea how many there were. I was so naïve. I did go out, of course. You know me. I still think about that woman when I pass the bar."

"You don't like anything beating you." Elliot took a few steps closer until his lower body met the edge. He leaned over and rested his forearms on the rough surface. "World's a bitch, you know? I started this unit and I knew it all. Turns out I didn't. Now I want to lock the girls in their mother's apartment just to keep 'em safe."

"I wanted to lock myself in. I didn't date much, not really. Slept with some guys after having too many drinks to wash away the filth and the nightmares. It never goes away, though. I have this…this idea of a relationship and how it should be now that I'm older. In the back of my mind, though, I'm still there. My first year here, and I'm…scared. I can't let the cases go, the sickening things those monsters do to their victims." She felt his elbow poke her lightly in the side, and a muffled apology in return.

"That why you called him? Billy?" Elliot turned to faced her. He took notice of the shimmering in her eyes. "You wanted to forget?"

"No. I wanted to remember. What it's like to go on a date and not worry about someone slipping something into my drink. Without walking home and not looking over my shoulder because I heard someone start to walk a little faster." She ran her thumb over the jagged remnants of a broken nail of her index finger. "I just wanted to be a woman. I bought a dress."

"Liv…" He was out of words. Standing there in the cold, shaking like a leaf, she never looked more desperate for something to cling to. Without knowing it, he took another step closer and turned around with his back to the city. "I don't know what to tell you. Why do you think I didn't want to give him your number? I don…I don't want you to end up on a slab in Doc Warner's lab."

"I know you were looking out for me. I know it was crazy, that I didn't really know him, but I thought…just for a while it'd be nice to be normal. To turn off the detective and just be. Just…live." She mimicked his stance, her left hip brushing against his right.

"So, this dress. No slit in the side, right? Just…a dress?" He'd seen her dress up before. He knew she was drop dead gorgeous, but she didn't flaunt it. That's not how she was, thank God. He didn't want to think about some sleezy bastard running his hand up the parted fabric, touching the smooth skin underneath.

"No. No slit. There may have been some uh…cleavage, though. Ya' know, gotta show these girls off." She made a sweeping motion with her hand and laughed at his mortified expression.

"I really didn't need to know that. In fact, I really didn't want to know that." He had seen her so many times as his partner, his sister, his best friend. Sometimes, though, he saw her in a different light. "You ready to go back in?"

"Yeah. It's freezing up here." She hissed through chattering teeth and led the way.

"You don't say." Elliot rolled his eyes and reached over her to push the door open. "Bet he wouldn't have done that for you."

"No." She turned to face him at the top of the stairs and smiled. "He wouldn't have."


	4. Chapter 4

The envelope was sitting on her desk. It stood out against the darkness of the desktop and she frowned at the object. She picked it up and smiled at the writing. _Question three was a bitch._

She pulled out her copy of the questions and flipped to the second page. She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a bout of laughter.

"Something you want to share with the class?" Munch eyed her over his glasses, his mouth drawn in the usual, mock frown.

"Cap wants you, John." Elliot rolled his sleeves and sat down across from Olivia. "You're early."

"Yeah. Uh…I figured I owed you for being late yesterday. Thanks." She peeked out of the corner of her eye and saw that Munch had left his seat once again. "For this."

"Took me all night." Seeing her eyes grow wide, he chuckled. "Just kidding, Liv."

"It's kind of awkward. Now I'm supposed to read what you said. Do I want to know?" She dropped the envelope into the top drawer of her desk.

"Don't do it here. That's too…" He wriggled his eyebrows and leaned over the desk. "What about you? What do you like most about me?"

"Doesn't say I have to share with you." She smirked and folded her hands. "It's probably just to get a general idea of things. Like the question that asks about the five senses. It's probably just to find some things that I can use to wind down or that may help create an atmosphere that is conducive to relieving stress." She nodded her head with each syllable as she repeated what her therapist had said.

"Sounds about right. Was Munch's coffee one of your answers?" He cleared his throat and sat back in his seat. "I think it'd make me even more screwed up."

"Wh…" She glanced up at the ceiling as if it required a lot of consideration. Her breath suddenly caught in her throat, and she had to tell her brain to get its act together so she could gather enough oxygen to speak again. "What?"

"I can't believe I just said that. I swear I didn't mean it that way." He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands.

"Don't swear, Elliot, you're Catholic." Olivia pushed up out of her chair. If she got out fast enough, he wouldn't see the tears that began to pool in her eyes.

"Wait, Oli…" He cursed, jumping up from his seat to follow her…into the ladies room. Shit.

"What the hell are you doing?" She stood facing him with her hands planted firmly on her hips. If they were anywhere else, she was sure to kill him. If they would stop shaking.

"You know I'd never say something like that to hurt you." He paused a moment, trying to determine if she really did. "Right?"

"Anything else you want to say? Because I…" She was cut off by the door abruptly opening partially. She startled, as Elliot quickly stuck his foot out.

"Just…do something." He pointed to the door, where some determined officer of the law repeatedly tried to get the door to budge.

"You're never going to leave." She rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. "Use the other one. Some asshole used the ladies on accident. You don't want to come in here."

"You had to say that." The statement was more of a question. "Could have just told her it was out of order."

"Well, count your blessings I didn't tell her it was you." She pressed the button on the faucet and quickly washed her hands before it popped up again. She hated the damn thing, along with everyone else. It never stayed down long enough to effectively rinse the soap off. She pounded it once again. And again, for good measure.

"You're not going to…" His eyes traveled to the row of stalls. He studied them in awe. He'd never been in a ladies room since he was seven and had to beg his mother to let him use the men's room for once.

"No. I was trying to find somewhere you wouldn't follow. See how it worked?" She dried her hands on the cheap paper and tossed it into the trash. "I need some air."

"You're sick. It's the coldest day of the year. I'll just go, okay?" He threw his hands up. He wasn't sure why he was mad to begin with, but he saw the look in her eyes. The same look he had in their arguments in the past. If she needed a break, she deserved at least that much.

"No, wait." She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I know you didn't mean it that way."

"Then why'd you react that way?" He rounded first sink and glanced at the metal brace to the stall, testing it to see if it would hold his weight. He opted for the wall and settled against the cool, white bricks.

"Just a natural response, I guess. My mother kind of had a dislike for counseling. Therapeutic services, I think she called it. I don't know, when I was in high school, maybe my last year, I brought it up. She didn't take it well. I guess ever since I've been working up to actually going. I don't really do this, you know?" She laughed, although it wasn't funny. It was just something to fill the awkward silence that followed what she'd just put out there for him to hear. Something she rarely did.

"I know." He spoke mainly to the floor. The tiles were scuffed from the few times he'd imagined anyone was ever dressed up enough to cause the black marks on the floor. He tried to remember the last time she was.

"They never clean this bathroom. We always do. Carolyn Rogers, the new homicide detective, she and I kind of trade off. No one wants to come in here." She felt the weight of the conversation lift a little with each passing second.

"Yeah? Where's…what's his face? The guy with the limp." He glanced around, noting the bits and pieces of toilet paper that had fallen to the floor. He wondered why someone would be so frenzied as to have such a thing happen.

"You really should stop talking." She grinned, when he looked up from his investigation of the restroom. "Roger's a nice guy. Has a little granddaughter that was just born with a defective heart. Now, don't you feel bad?"

"Damn." Elliot stuff his hands into his pockets. He felt completely out of place; as if he was waiting for his daughter to get done shopping. "So, we done in here?"

"Yeah." She nodded and started to open the door. She felt him bump into her slightly when she stopped. She turned around, smirking. "Do you really want to just barge out there? Did you forget where you were, El?"

"Oh, right. Thanks." He felt his face grow flush and suddenly felt as if the room had gotten twenty degrees warmer.

"Oh, is Lizzie feeling better?" She motioned with her hand behind her back.

"She went back to school today. One of her friends from school dropped her homework by, so she was doing that last night when I took Dickie home. He scored two goals in practice. He was mad because he didn't get a hat trick." He was amazed at how his son was so much like himself.

"Hat trick. What the hell is that?" She rifled through a small list of messages that had been placed on her desk in the amount of time she'd been gone.

"It's where you score three goals in one game." He saw her make a face and peered over to see what she was looking at. They seldom were surprised at anything they saw anymore, but occasionally there would be that one case that shocked them to the core.

"Oh, right. Uh…Casey wants to go out again. I swear she's trying to…" She turned her head to the side when she was stricken with a bout of coughing. It wasn't until several seconds later that she recovered. She pulled out a bag of cough drops and stuck one in her mouth, breathing deeply.

"Jeez, Liv. Why don't you go to the doctor?" He watched her recover and remembered what she'd just said. Or had been trying to say.

"I don't like doctors. I feel fine, it's just the coughing that keeps me up all night. I haven't slept all week, literally. I can't believe I haven't gone into a coma." She blew her nose and squirted a small dot of sanitizer into her hands. "Don't worry. I think I'm staying in tonight. I have an appointment after work, anyway."

"Good idea. You should rent a movie. Laughter's the best medicine." He closed his eyes, wincing at how stupid he'd just sounded. He opened them to see her tugging on her bottom lip with her teeth in an attempt to keep a straight face.

"Now _that_ was on the list. Why don't you come over? It'll be like old times." She suddenly tried to recall where her DVD was that she'd let Casey borrow.

"Sure. What kind this time? Mushrooms or plain?" Elliot sat back down at his desk. The reminder of why he'd left in the first place came back to him. He shoved it to the back of his mind.

"I don't want pizza. I'm trying to eat better. Not counting my little binge at the bar, I've been doing the whole salad thing. Taking the stairs…what?" She set the pink slips next to her phone, eyebrows raised.

"You. You don't need to lose weight, Liv." He felt as if he was back at that bar, watching her path to the restroom to make sure she made it there and back to the table while glaring all the while at the shmooze who had hit her up to talk. Prick.

"I know that. I just want to be healthy. I want to be toned." She cocked her head to the side slightly, curious as to why it would suddenly matter to him how she treated her body.

"Fair enough." He nodded, satisfied with her answer.

"So, you, me, and some yet-to-be-named DVD. No pizza. Popcorn? I won't put butter on yours." Elliot watched nod before she picked up the phone and started dialing a number she obviously knew by heart. She started to laugh hysterically, making him smile.

"Nope. I'm off the market. Se…seriously, Casey. I mean it. Elliot and I are watching a movie instead. Do you still have the one I let you borrow last week? You did? Oh, I came in early this morning. No, that's okay. Thanks. No, I won't change my mind. Okay. Talk to you later." Olivia wiped her eyes and hung up the phone. She chuckled and shook her head.

"Well, that was amusing. I take it she wanted to set you up?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Something like that. She said she dropped the movie through the mail slot this morning on the way in. Shit." Olivia crouched down and scooted over in her chair and popped her head up just a bit.

"What?" Elliot whipped his head around, trying to determine the cause of his partner's strange behavior. And there it was. Mr. Midwest.

"Damnit, he's coming over. Great, he's got my name on his visitor's badge that I approved him to come in." Olivia sighed and sat up straighter in her desk.

"Want me to handle it?" Elliot mumbled under his breath, just enough so she could hear.

"No, I'll take care of it." She crossed her arms and leaned over her desk. "Don't leave, though."

"Olivia, hi. I uh…found my way over. I vaguely remembered that you worked here." Billy glanced around him awkwardly. "Is there someplace we can talk in private?"

"I have a lot of work to do. You remember Elliot." Seeing Billy nod in agreement, she pulled out a stack of papers from her box. She thanked the Gods that were looking down on her that allowed John to walk through the squad room and plant his bony ass squarely on the edge of the nearest desk. "Hey, John."

"Liv." He locked eyes with her, his stare a silent question. Her tense posture and the way she kept picking at the bottom of her sleeve led him to believe the man was not entirely wanted. Not the least bit. "You have that file I asked you about earlier?"

"Oh, yes I do. Let me see…" Olivia began rifling through the box and pulled out a file folder she'd shoved a bunch of blank forms in. She handed it over and smiled as he nodded, examining the contents.

"Great, thanks. Who are you?" John closed the folder and looked directly at the un-named visitor.

"Billy Wade." Billy stuck his hand out for the older man to shake and pulled it back when the man just stared at it. He tapped his hand against his thigh nervously. "Look, I'll just call you tonight. Um…have a good da…" He was abruptly cut off by Elliot and frowned.

"You know what? She's got plans." Elliot could feel the anger rising as the seconds passed, and he couldn't think of a time where he was more thankful that John was there. If anyone could drive off unsuspecting little pricks, he could. "I'm sure you remember the way out? After all, you did find your way around the city."

"Right. Okay. Bye, then." Billy turned and left. He began peeling off his visitor's tag and tossed it into a nearby trashcan.

"Who's the clown?" Munch tossed the folder back into Olivia's box and stood.

"No one. Thanks, John." Olivia smiled warmly and let out a sigh of relief.

"Sure. You owe me, though. I'm working on finding a new wife." John glared at Elliot's snort, and pushed his glasses back up on his nose.

"Hey, Casey's going out. Why don't you go with her? She'll find someone for you." Elliot turned in his chair and crossed his leg over to rest on his left knee.

"Novak? Are we talking about the same person here?" Munch looked up from his paperwork. "Casey?"

"You guys seem to think she's this hardass ADA. She does have a social life. A good one, in fact. You should see her out there, working the bar. She's good." Olivia scribbled down the phone number and handed it over. "Give her a call, John."

"Maybe I will. Who knew?" John pocketed the number and turned back to the form he'd been trying to get done for the past hour.

"Thanks." Olivia grinned and wiped her nose.

"For…?" Elliot weighed the options and settled for the discreet, 'I-have-no-idea-what-you-mean' response.

"Just…thanks." She picked up the receiver and flipped to the next phone message. As she waited for a response, she looked up.

"You're welcome." And with that, Elliot got up and walked to the coffee machine. Behind him, he could hear Olivia stifling another coughing fit. "Stubborn woman."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I'm SO sorry about the delay between updates. I've been looking for a job and have been doing a lot of volunteering. In the meantime, my muse took a little break. I think it got tired of waiting on me.

Olivia pulled the steaming bag of popcorn out of the microwave and tossed it onto the counter. She poured the contents into a bowl and opened the refrigerator. Sure enough, she was out of beer. She heard the soft rap on the door and carried the bowl into the living room. She'd had a long session and all she wanted to do was go to bed. She couldn't cancel on him, though. He was probably parking on the street already, and she needed the distraction, anyway.

"Hey." Elliot stepped inside the dimly lit apartment. "I brought beer."

"Oh, good. I ran out. I was just debating whether I had time to run to the corner or not. Thanks." Olivia settled down onto the couch and kicked her shoes off.

"Not a problem. What are we watching?" Elliot glanced at the video jacket.

"Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now. It's genius. Pure, comedic ingenuity." She opened a can of beer and slid it across the coffee table. "I'm sorry. Here, let me take your coat."

"Stay. I'll throw it onto the chair, Liv." Elliot held up his hand and took a seat beside her. He instantly noted the gleam in her eyes. It was good to see her happy.

"I've been telling all my friends to watch this. It's hilarious." Olivia took a sip of her beer and grabbed a handful of popcorn before scooting the bowl to the middle.

"You didn't tell _me_ about it." Elliot smiled, not wanting her to take it the wrong way.

"I saw it on one of those movie channels one night. Quarter of the way through, I literally had tears streaming down my face. This movie has made the rounds so many times I lost count." She rubbed her fingers together and frowned at having to get up again to get a napkin.

"I'll get it." Elliot felt his feet get tangled with hers as he tried to get through. His weight precariously balanced on one leg, and the awkwardness of the situation was multiplied when he lost his footing. He whipped his hand out to grab the couch and watched in horror as it made contact with the side of her face.

"Son of a…" Olivia held her throbbing jaw. The whole side of her face felt like it was on fire. Her tear ducts instantly sprang to action and she abruptly stood, not wanting him to see.

"Jesus." Elliot watched the bathroom door slightly and stood, frozen in place. He rubbed the back of his neck and blinked. He paced the room like a madman, all the while glancing at the door. He sighed, unable to believe he'd just assaulted his partner. He looked down at his hand and noticed the red spot that had formed due to the impact with the bony structure of her face. He searched the drawers of her kitchen and pulled out a sandwich bag to fill with ice. He wrapped a dish towel around the outside and carried it to the bathroom. "Liv?"

"Just a sec." Olivia winced as she wiped her face with a handful of toilet paper. She let the water fall into her hands and scooped the icy liquid into her mouth before spitting it out. It had a slight crimson hue to it. She turned the water off and grabbed the door knob.

"God, Liv." The minute he saw her face, he gasped. From her jaw line to just below her eye was bright red and a bit puffy. Her eyes were bloodshot and filled with tears.

"It's okay." Her voice was shaky and she swiped at the tears once again. The pain was ebbing and had transformed into an ache. "It doesn't hurt that much. My eyes won't quit watering."

"Is your mouth okay?" Elliot ushered her into the living room and handed her the bag of ice.

"Yeah. I just cut the inside of my cheek." Olivia felt the sting as her teeth brushed against the raw area inside her mouth.

"Scoot back." Elliot grabbed an accent pillow from beside the couch and propped it in the corner so she could lean back. He watched her settle in and returned with a glass of water and a pill bottle. "Take these first."

"I've taken more pills this past week than I have in my whole life, I think." Olivia placed the two white tablets onto her tongue and washed them down. "I'm okay, Elliot. Come sit."

"I'm good." Elliot stood near the edge of the couch. He couldn't take his eyes off her face.

"Sit down." Olivia rolled onto her side and placed the towel onto her check slowly. She patted the cushion next to her feet. "It was an accident, El."

"I should have gone around. Did I step on your foot?" Elliot craned his neck, trying to determine if he'd hurt her any more than he was aware of.

"I'm fine." She hated that look in his eyes, knowing full well he'd rather be at home dwelling on one mistake. "It's my fault. I should have moved the table out so you could get through."

"You have big feet." Elliot blurted the first thing that came to mind and held his breath. Slowly, a grin spread across her face. It was lopsided, but it was there nonetheless.

"If I could reach you from here, I'd smack you!" Olivia chuckled and as he hit the play button on the remote. "Come on, let's start relieving my stress."

Halfway through the movie, the sleeve of Olivia's shirt had been soaked through due to laughing so hard. Her jaw ached, but it was well worth it.

"Kathleen used that line once. She was mortified that she tripped in front of all of her friends in the Manhattan Mall. She swore up and down there was something on the floor. I tried so hard not to laugh at her.

"Elliot! I can't believe she still talks to you. How long ago was that?" Olivia could picture Elliot turning away, his shoulders shaking from the fight to control his laughter.

"A few years ago. She was pissed. Ended up staying the night at her grandmother's house." He tossed the butter-coated napkin onto the table and propped his feet up.

"Aww…I can top that. First day at the academy, this guy Joey Gordon fell flat on his face. Another rookie started laughing so hard he couldn't see where he was going and as he crossed the stage he fell off of the back. The two guys got into a fist fight and were the only two cops to ever be hired and fired on the same day." She clutched her aching stomach as she recovered. "Man, those were the days. Less to worry about."

"Yeah. I remember how innocent I was. Had no idea what I was getting' into. Not a clue." Elliot sighed and clasped his hands behind his head.

"You'll never think of the public restrooms the same way after this video. Or anything else, for that matter. You know that, right?" She nudged him with her elbow.

"Yeah, and I'll have you to thank for that." He rolled his eyes and glanced at her. Her face was less puffy, but it still looked painful. He could only imagine what the guys were going to say.

"Does Dickie have a game coming up?" Olivia studied his face. Always a cop.

"Yeah. You want to go or something?" He turned to face her on the couch and turned the volume down as Ellen began discussing something about the lyrics to a Peter, Paul, and Mary song.

"Sure. If he doesn't mind me tagging along." She set the towel on the table and wiped her hands on the hem of her shirt.

"You know he won't mind, Liv. He has a game on Monday, to answer your question." He'd missed seeing her at his kids' birthday parties, and he couldn't remember the last time they even went out to the bar with the guys.

"Great." She finished off her second beer and wiped the back of her mouth with her hand. "This is fun. We should do this more often."

"We should. So, uh…how did it go, by the way?" He fumbled for words, not even sure if he should be asking her about it in the first place. The look in her eyes told him he should have left well enough alone. He resisted the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall. "Never mind. I'm sorry, I know that's personal."

"It's okay. It went...it just went. I think maybe it'll take a few more times watching this one." She bit her bottom lip, willing herself not to think about it anymore. The panic that had set in upon her therapist's urging to talk about the more personal aspects of her life. The parts she'd assumed would forever remain buried. She patted his hand as the movie started. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Elliot stared straight and out of the corner of his eye just barely saw her crooked smile.

Xxx

"You sure you want to come to a hockey game? You can still back out." Elliot looked over his shoulder a he talked and kept walking.

"I'm positive. You'll have to explain the rules and everything, though. I know some of the players in the NHL, but I've never really watched a game." Olivia held the drinks above her head and squeezed through, all the while mumbling an 'excuse me'. With a huff, she sat down on the cold bench.

"Get up a sec." Elliot gestured with his elbow for her to move and spread a blanket out onto the bench.

"Thanks." Olivia turned and gave him a small smile. "It's nice out here."

"Yeah. You picked a good game to come to." He picked a small chunk of dirt off the blanket and sat down. "How's your face?"

"It's fine, El. I hardly feel it." Proving her point, she lightly ran her hand over the area, trying not to wince and give herself away.

"Right. That's why you got up to 'get a drink' every four hours. Just admit it. You're in pain." He furrowed his eyebrows at her innocent expression.

"What? How'd you know? Besides, it doesn't hurt as bad as if I were to let Fin take your 'stupid ass' out." She did air quotes and included the Fin-like attitude.

"That was good, Liv. Does he know you can do that?" Elliot scooted over a fraction of an inch and froze, when he felt his thigh make contact with hers. "Sorry."

"That's okay. No, he doesn't know. John does. He made up this rap one day and so all morning we were fine-tuning it. The moment Fin got in we started laughing so hard John had to leave the room. Oh, it was funny!" Olivia held a hand to her side and wiped her eyes.

"Clearly. I'm sorry I missed that." Elliot pointed to the sea of white and black jerseys. "There's Dickie. Second one from the left."

"Where? Oh, there." She grinned and sat up straighter in her seat.

"He's usually a center or a forward. Those three kids right there try to score." Elliot pointed toward the goal. "That's the opposing team's goal."

"Got it. What are all the other players doing in the meantime?" She glanced over at the other kids, who looked to be spread out in a pattern.

"Well, you've got the defensive line. Those two kids protect our goal. One gets the right half of the rink while the other gets the left. Then there's the goalie. You'll see how it works. It's pretty simple." He tapped her on the forearm and watched the center of the ice. "Here, they're about to drop the puck."

As the game progressed, Olivia got more and more into the action. Towards the end, Elliot had nearly been forced to restrain her from leaping out of her seat to argue a call. She folded up the blanket and rolled her eyes.

"Wow. I had no idea you were that serious about your hockey, Liv." Elliot grabbed the blanket and tossed the drinks into the trash as he led the way toward the team bench.

"Hey. That little boy could have gotten hurt! It wasn't as if anyone else was going to say anything." She whispered, trying to keep her voice down. She'd learned several minutes into the game that the other parents weren't to be messed with. She'd given it to them right back.

"Yeah. You scared 'em. I don't think mouthing the words 'bring it on' is gonna' make 'em pick a fight with you. I can't believe you brought your badge." He laughed as she caught up with him. Her cheeks had taken on a bright shade of red, and it wasn't from the cold air that had begun blowing in from the north.

"I forgot it was in my pocket and we were in a hurry when we left. That lady's lucky I wasn't packin' heat." Olivia stood next to Elliot as the coach commended each player for his part in the team's victory.

"Dickie got MVP." Elliot leaned in talk to her so she could hear.

"Great. Nice job on the hat trick, Dickie." Olivia saw the young boy approaching and held her hand up for him to slap. His eyes grew wide at her comment.

"You know what a hat trick is, Olivia?" He didn't notice his father trying not to laugh behind him.

"Of course I do." She patted Dickie on the back of his jersey and watched him run ahead to the car.

"Of course I do. What was that?" Elliot knew he was risking his life by mocking her, but he couldn't resist. "Ow!"

"You deserved it. Thank you, by the way." Olivia watched him rub his arm where she'd whacked him.

"For what?" He fumbled with his son's skates and stick and cursed when the blanket fell to the ground.

"Just thanks." She grinned from ear-to-ear as she picked it up.

"Well, I didn't have it in me to out you as the rookie that you are. He seemed thoroughly impressed." Elliot had seen her visibly relax the moment they'd gotten to the rink. Over the course of the game, he'd seen the playful side of her he wished he'd gotten to see more often.

"I had a really good time." Her hand brushed his and walked ahead, leaving him to wonder why his heart had just fluttered.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: My computer crashed and there's a little window where it's actually letting me do anything, so I have to post this, as is before I lost it. So, I apologize if it's sub par. I meant for it to be longer and to work with it but I don't want to lose it. Thanks.

"Who's catching?" Cragen hated to be the bearer of bad news. They all were trying to handle their latest case the best they could.

"Please tell me you're kidding." John looked up from his case notes. Clearly, his superior wasn't. "Benson and Stabler are catching. Liv's in the crib. I'm not sure where Elliot is."

"How long have you been on?" Don crossed his arms over his chest and studied the two men before him as a haggard looking Elliot came dragging through the squad room.

"I lost track last Saturday." Seeing the older man's glare, he turned serious. "It's two now so….29."

"How long, Elliot?" He watched Elliot sit heavily onto his seat. The man looked to be beyond exhaustion.

"I'm not sure. We got called in around one-thirty in the morning. Yesterday, I think." He closed his eyes briefly, wishing that his little nap had left him feeling refreshed even the slightest bit.

"Thirty-six hours is too much. So's thirty." Cragen sighed. It was days such as this that he really hated his job. "How long has Olivia been asleep?"

Elliot's eyes shot open upon the mention of her name. Damn. He'd at least gotten a few hours in. She'd promised to hold down the fort and to come get him after they'd gotten the DNA results on their rape-homicide. One of the machines had gone down and the lab was working slower than usual. If only he could grant her the uninterrupted sleep he had been able to get. "She just went up. John and Fin went earlier. We're waiting on DNA from the girl's pillow so we can get the warrant to search his apartment. I'd put a rush on it but I'd be wasting my breath."

"Go get her, Elliot." Seeing the younger man biting back a remark, his eyes softened. "I know. If I had a choice, I'd let her sleep. The Commissioner is breathing down my neck over this one. Victim's being transported to St. Vincent's as we speak. I need you two to go down and get her statement. It's Senator McClain's oldest daughter."

"Damn." Fin watched Elliot reluctantly rise in his seat and leave the room.

John grabbed his ringing phone and smiled. "Thank heaven for small favors. At least the Roberts case is closed. The girl made the whole thing up. Guy's getting off because of her 'moment of hormone-induced insanity'. Wish I could use that line to get out of trouble."

"You two are now catching. Let's hope this is all we see today. We're looking at a lawsuit if we're not careful." Don frowned when he saw a pale-looking Olivia headed out with Elliot in tow. He thought Elliot had looked bad. He gave one last fleeting look at his detectives and went back into his office.

Ooo

"You okay?" Elliot watched her open the window and lean against the coolness of the door. Her face was flushed from having been woken up abruptly. If he had to bet on it, he'd say she'd had trouble getting to sleep in the first place.

"Mmm…hmm. Stomach's kind of shaky. It'll pass." She mustered a small smile that wasn't even close to reaching her eyes. "I'm just tired, Elliot."

"'Kay." He heard the sirens and glanced into his rear view mirror before pulling to the side of the road.

"Always something going on somewhere." Olivia tried to work out the kinks in her neck and groaned when her tired muscles protested.

"I hate the high profile ones." He pulled back into traffic and whipped into a spot nearby. At least he'd been that lucky.

Her movements were sluggish as she fumbled with the button to roll the window back up. She stepped outside and took several deep breaths. Surprisingly, the winter chill made her more alert. "Press isn't here yet."

"Not yet." Elliot laid a hand on the small of her back and waited for the cars to pass before jogging across.

"He's got a detail." Several uniformed officers swarmed the hallway. She approached the registration desk and flashed her badge before making the standard introduction.

"Down the hall and to the right. Just follow the line of cops." The young woman glared, obviously flustered over the police swarming the lobby.

"Thanks." Elliot nodded. In a way, he understood her attitude. It was obvious she hadn't been there long enough to see what a bad day was really like.

ooo

"She's hiding something. I can feel it." Olivia pushed the door open with more than enough force.

"Could be covering for someone." He quickened his steps and caught up with her. She was wasting not time to get out of there. "Could be an inside job, too. Maybe she's protecting someone.

"Well, we can't help her if she's lying. You saw the results from the rape kit. No tearing or bruising of the tissue whatsoever."

"Doesn't mean she wasn't drugged. After the tox screen comes in, we'll know more. Come on, I'll buy you a coffee." He unbuttoned the top of his coat and got in before clicking the lock to let her in.

"What'd you think of the mother? Didn't seem too shaken up." Olivia's eyes had begun to burn. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"No, she didn't. Her answers were too…thought out. If it were my kid, I'd be a nervous wreck."

"Right. Maybe I'm being too hard on her. I'm not a parent. I don't know how I would react, but I certainly wouldn't be so closed off as to not see that my daughter was suffering. She didn't even look at her the whole time we were there."

"You don't have to be a parent to understand, Liv. You've been on the job long enough. Even then, it's irrelevant. You're human. It's just…your nature to feel something."

"I guess she could have been taking some form of anti-depressants. Doesn't mean she doesn't love her kid. I don't know what I think. My brain is so scrambled."

"You're tired. You're allowed that." He glanced over and smiled. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah." She tucked a strand of hair that had barely fallen into her line of vision. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Be right back."

Olivia rested her head against the crook of her elbow and closed her eyes as the hum of the heater combined with the engine lulled her to sleep.

In the fifteen minutes that he'd been inside, she'd somehow managed to fall asleep. He hadn't realized it until he'd gotten in and slammed the door. The sound jarred her awake. He immediately felt guilty as he watched her struggle to find her bearings once again. "Sorry. The line was long." He placed his cup into the holder and waited for her to take hers.

"I can't believe I just fell asleep. Now I know why driving around is the parent's ultimate cure for fussy babies." She took a swig of the coffee and wiped her mouth. It was flavored to perfection, with the right amount of cream and sugar.

"I can. You've been up longer than the rest of us."

"That doesn't mean you guys are any better off."

"I'll be fine. Did uh…Billy call last night?" He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. His eyes darted back and forth between the road and her. "Sorry. None of my business."

"No, it's okay. Was it that obvious?" She bit her lip, hoping that he hadn't seen how much the call had bothered her.

"Was what obvious? I wasn't really paying attention. Did he say something to upset you?" He'd been giving her space all evening to deal with whatever had transpired. She'd finally returned to the squad room but her smile hadn't fooled him.

"No. Not really. Just the usual reaction when a woman blows off a guy."

"Ah…the 'how dare you' reaction. The…'good luck finding someone better' line." He nodded. He knew that one well. It didn't mean he was fine with it being used on her.

"Oh, you're forgetting the part where you accuse her of being a flirt, followed by a few, choice names."

"What?" He jerked the wheel back onto the street. In his haste to see what she was talking about, he'd nearly steered the car into a parked utility vehicle.

"I've had worse, El." She let her hand rest on the sleeve of his coat. "It's okay."

"No, it's not." He saw her eyes. She dared him to continue, to say that she was a woman and shouldn't have to deal with that. He laughed at her expression. "I know, you can take care of yourself."

"You're right, I can." She didn't miss the flash of hurt that crossed his face. "Thanks."

"Yeah, well, I see that shit all the time and I don't like it. I know you can handle yourself, but it doesn't mean I like seeing him treat you that way. That's how it starts out. Guy gets the blow off...if he's crazy enough, he snaps. Goes after her. Textbook."

"Where's this coming from?" She turned in her seat, wishing she could have his full attention.

"I don't know. I just…things are different now." He wanted to smack his forehead onto the steering wheel. He knew he wasn't making the least bit of sense and he, too, wondered what drew him to this particular line of thinking.

"Okay." She saw the curiosity, the questioning look as to how she could simply accept that he was looking out for her. A year ago…hell, six months ago she would have told him where to shove his incessant worry.

"That's it? You're not mad?" He couldn't believe his ears.

"Yeah. That's it. It's nice that you look out for me. I haven't really…ever had anyone…do that."

"Their loss." He mumbled it mostly, not really sure whether their newfound openness would allow him to say such things. They were still feeling each other out, seeing how the other would react. It was then that it hit him like a load of bricks, and he had to swallow the lump that had risen in his throat. What the hell was he doing?


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: After months of searching, the day has come. Alas, I have a job. It's a temp-to-hire gig and I couldn't be happier to be working again. Of course, now that I have something to do during the day, I won't be writing as much. It's springtime and I'm thoroughly enjoying walking the streets of NYC!

xxx

"Not a word. So help me…not a word, John." Olivia glared, daring the older man to utter that one wisecrack that was on the tip of his tongue. If he knew what was good for him, he'd get back to work. With her gym bag slung over her shoulder, she climbed up the stairs to change. If she could make it without anyone else seeing her…

"Liv? I thought you were coming in later." Elliot's eyes swept over her unkempt hair, baggy sweatpants and faded Siena sweatshirt. He knew better than to ask.

"The power went off in my building and I didn't have any candles so I…" The sound of her cell phone interrupted her story. She searched the outside pockets of her bag until she found it.

Elliot heard her sigh and frowned. He felt her for, he really did. He remembered one day in particular that Kathy had been out of town for a conference. It had been up to him to get the kids up and ready for school. Nothing he'd done that morning was 'how mama does it' and when he'd finally gotten them dropped off at their respective locations, he'd treated himself to a giant cup of supreme coffee. Cup in hand and a ringing cell phone, he'd fumbled with the door handle, spilling half of the contents onto his pants. He'd gotten the phone to his ear to hear the wailing sobs of his second to oldest daughter. After ten minutes of negotiations, he'd managed to get her calmed down so that he could go back home and find another outfit that _did_ match and that the little bastards wouldn't make fun of her for.

"Damnit!" Olivia slammed the phone shut and sighed. From the moment she woke up, she knew it was going to be one of those days. "This is not happening." She sat down heavily onto the bench. Her bag dropped to the floor next to her.

"Alright, what can I do?" Elliot placed his hands firmly on his hips and came to stand in front of her. "Coffee? Donuts? What?"

"You know the movie Groundhog Day? I want a do-over. If you can make it happen, then I'll name my firstborn after you." Slowly, she lifted her gaze to his crystal blue eyes. The amount of concern pouring out of those orbs was almost her undoing. "I need a vacation."

"Yeah, you do. Look, get ready. Shower, do what you need to do. We got a call from the bank. They're faxing over the report in a few minutes once their server is up. John and Fin are going over to question the Senator and his wife. They want to get them alone and see if their stories change. "Come down when you're ready."

"Okay….yeah." She mulled over the thought. A long, hot shower was just what she needed. "Take this, and if it rings, answer it. My super is supposed to call. Tell him I'll call him back."

He pocketed her phone and walked down the steps. He tapped the case file he'd been carrying around against his palm and tossed it onto his desk. "Good luck with the mom. Call if you find anything interesting."

"Don't we always? Tell Liv she can crash at my place if she wants tonight. Wait, I forgot my apartment still smells like my Uncle Stu. Think she'd mind that silent, but deadly odor coming from the guest bedroom?" Without another word, John nodded toward the door for Fin to follow.

"Did I just see your partner?" Cragen glanced around the room and crossed his arms over his chest.

"She's up in the showers. Her building lost power. Long story, I think. We're waiting on the bank records. Everybody's story checked out but one. The time of the rape is unaccounted for. I have a funny feeling about this guy." He nudged the folder to the edge of the desk so the older man could retrieve it.

"Well, he's either damn lucky or he knows the right people." Don closed the file and stood awkwardly. "Probably both."

"Looking to be the case. The Senator has been out of town. His wife has been busy, too." Elliot pulled the documents off the fax machine and scanned the list of transactions. "Every month on the first there's a transfer of funds. Guess who the lucky recipient is."

"Check this guy out. Get him to talk. We need a DNA sample to match to the hair found on the bed. None of the other members of the staff had a reason to be at her place but this guy. I want to know what exactly he was doing there."

"Think the Senator knew about any of this?" Elliot remembered how angry the man had been. Didn't mean it wasn't rehearsed.

"Did you see him? I think if he knew, this guy would be on a slab in the morgue. I think he was really concerned for his daughter." Don rubbed the back of his neck and glanced up the stairs as he heard the water shut off. "Keep me informed."

ooo

Elliot and Olivia stared up at the building in amazement. They worked hard their whole lives for simple, modest spaces. If only they had someone slipping them money.

"Let's go see what this guy has to say." Elliot nodded to the doorman and led his way to the elevator. "Well, this explains why she was so tight-lipped about her daughter's rape. Look at this place."

"I know. I doubt he'll fess up to the rape. Not if he stands to lose all this." Olivia leaned against the marble lining the inside. "He got off on three others when the victims wouldn't come forward. Not this one."

"Ten-thousand dollars a month is a lot of money. I don't even want to know how much I've spent on private school for the kids so far."

"You'd think the family's accountant would question that." She slowed to a stop as they reached the right number.

"Maybe he was paid off, too." He rapped his knuckles against the door and heard footsteps approaching. He stepped to the side as Olivia held her badge up to the peephole. "Police, Mr. Vicks. Open up."

Olivia heard the lock click and eyed the man through the open door. The man seemed to be a lot older than he actually was. "I'm Detective Benson. My partner and I need to ask you some questions."

"I knew this would happen. I got nothin' to say to you or anybody else." The man made an attempt to close the door.

"Not so fast. You got two choices and you'd better listen to them carefully. You either answer our questions in the comfort of your own home, or you come down with us to the precinct." Elliot held his foot in place, blocking the door from shutting.

"Damn it." The man was beyond pissed. His face took on a deep shade of red, and the vein in his forehead bulged out. "You got two minutes."

Elliot glanced over at Olivia. The feeling when he'd walked to the door grew increasingly by the minute. He eyed the condo as he stepped through the doorway. He took in the man's wandering eye.

"Where were you two nights ago, Mr. Vicks?" Olivia stood next to the fireplace. Her stance was guarded, after seeing Elliot's concerned gaze. She cleared her throat and glanced back at the fidgety man.

"I got nothin' to say. I told you that, lady. Can't you hear?" John Vicks eyed the female detective with disgust. All lady cops were the same. They were all bitches who needed to be put in their place. Same with the Senator's daughter. She thought she was better than him because her dad was well to-do. Her mother, though, she was different. She'd concocted the drawn-out plan. Her daughter had always been daddy's little girl, and had shown his wife little interest.

"Alright, here's how it's gonna' be. You're gonna' answer our questions and you're gonna' answer them now or we're gonna' haul your ass to the station and get a warrant to dig up a shitload of evidence. You either come clean, or we'll have a team here so fast it'll make your head spin. Start talking." Elliot stepped closer with a disapproving look. The man was getting agitated and he was taking no chances.

"Look, I told the sons of bitches that I was there that night. I was doing my job. I go in, make sure nothin' weird is goin' on, and I leave."

"Where'd you go afterward? Says here you don't remember. Has your memory come back yet, Mr. Vicks?" Olivia scanned the contents of her notebook and back up.

"Where the fuck do you get off?" He stalked over to her and grinned when her eyes grew wide. A firm hand stopped him and he growled. "I ain't sayin' nothin' 'til I get a lawyer. I know my rights."

"Bad move, asshole." Elliot pushed the man against the wall. He could feel his blood boiling. "You want to add assault on an officer to the rape charge, too? You can't be that stupid."

"She's got you whipped. You ever tap that? I bet she likes to be in control." He stared over Elliot's shoulder at Olivia, who had yet to move from her spot. "Doesn't look so tough now."

Elliot balled up his fists. He breathed heavily through his nose, his mouth locked in a snarl. "Better start remembering what went down that night. You know what they do to rapists." He swallowed and pushed the man against the wall once more, for good measure. "We're going to need a DNA sample, so you may want to call your lawyer. Probably know his number by heart, huh?"

Olivia glanced at her watch, trying to give herself something to do so that she didn't have to look at the man as she left. She heard Elliot behind her and stood out in the carpeted hallway. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "I don't know what happened in there."

"Wasn't going to ask." Elliot pulled out his keys and slipped his finger through the ring. "I know you could take him."

Olivia chuckled, shaking her head. "I froze. I've never…I don't freeze, Elliot." She kicked the toe of her shoe against the floor of the elevator.

Elliot bit back a response. He knew the minute he tried to lighten the mood would be the moment he took his last breath. He said nothing, as he walked to the car. The scuffling of her shoes told him she had a lot on her mind and her stride was less deliberate than it usually was.

"Well, that didn't take long. So, uh…we see what Fin and Munch found. Maybe they'll have something by now." Olivia stared out of the window. She was drawn from her thoughts when she heard him clear his throat.

"You're forgetting something." Elliot pointed to her seat belt, his eyebrows raised. "Ya' never know."

"Yeah." She fastened the belt and looked up slowly. She captured his gaze, thinking of all the ways to go. All the ways she'd heard and read about. She often wondered when her time would be up. She'd never thought for a second it could ever be in the hands of a sadist; someone she had pissed off in pursuit of conviction. Until then.

"It'd be nice to have a place like that." Elliot took one last look as he drove by.

"Yeah. I should move. Get a cheaper place. Jersey would be nice. You think the NYPD will change their requirements?"

"Probably not, but let me know how that works out." He smiled, lightening the mood. "Your super never called. When's the power supposed to be restored?"

"Not for a while. I haven't been to the store in a while so nothing in the fridge is going to go bad. It's just principle. I don't pay to sit around in the dark all morning." Olivia flipped open her phone even though she knew she hadn't missed any calls.

"Stay at my place. I'll make up the guest bed." Elliot flipped the radio on, needing to be doing something with his nervous energy. He didn't know why it felt so awkward to ask her over for the night. It was a friend doing a favor for a friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

"If it's not on by the time shift's over, I'll swing by my place and meet you at your apartment. It'll probably come back on, though." She gazed out of the window at a coupe walking hand-in-hand on the sidewalk, completely oblivious to the world around them. She watched with a wistful gaze as the man pulled his girlfriend close to him as a group of careless kids came barreling past.

"You okay?" Elliot peered around her, trying to determine what had caught her attention.

"Huh?" Olivia blinked and turned in her seat to stare at him.

"Nothing. You just seemed lost."

"Sometimes I think I am." The minute the words were out of her mouth, she sighed. She knew by the concerned expression adorning his face that she'd said too much. Damn.

The battle raged in his head. The silence won out, and he watched her visibly relax. Was it that hard for her to talk to him?

She waited, and when he simply turned back to the road, she startled. She didn't know what the hell she'd meant by it anyway. Not entirely. She had nights where the loneliness nearly swallowed her whole. Nights where the darkness engulfed her, enveloping her in its murky depths. And she had mornings following those nights where she'd come to work and find herself again. Sometimes, though, she didn't want to fight so hard to find her way back to where she felt safe, secure. Some days, she just wanted to be found. She felt a dampness behind semi-closed lids, and blinked away the gathering moisture.

He cleared his throat, and out of the corner of his eye he saw her right hand rise to the side of her cheek. He knew the small noise, the unmistakable sound of a sniffle, was meant to go unnoticed. He couldn't help it, and reached out to her. He placed a firm, yet gentle hand on her left shoulder like he'd done so much lately. He knew the pain, the ache of going home to an empty space and waking up just to return the next night to that same void. He hated it, and he hated even more that she had been alone those twenty some years he'd been married. The many years he'd slip into bed to feel his wife's arms reach around him and lock into place around his midsection. As he cleared the intersection, he saw what Olivia had been staring at, and he wondered if she'd ever had anyone hold her. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He knew the answer already.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thank you for those who have been kind enough to review this. It does mean a lot. And for the person that requested another chapter, this is for you. Thanks for the kick in the butt!

"…and the shower is all yours." Elliot stood in the middle of the living room with his hands on his hips, trying to figure out if he was forgetting anything. He'd given her the tour and all that was left was the endless giggling and talking into the wee hours of the morning. Well, that's what he thought, at least, if she were a teenage girl. Something told him that she'd never had those experiences. Olivia Benson would do without the truth or dare sessions, toenail painting, and make each over moments.

"Elliot?" Olivia cocked her head to the side, staring.

"Sorry, what?" He shook his head, trying to focus on her bewildered expression.

"Are you okay? You just had this look on your face…" Her voice trailed off, and she shrugged, knowing he wasn't going to tell her anyway. "I'll be out in a bit."

"Yeah, okay." He flopped back into the cushions of the couch and sighed. He closed his eyes and let the pull of sleep overtake him, just for a bit. He awoke hours later in a daze.

"You should sleep in your own bed. I would have woken you up but you hadn't started snoring yet." Olivia peered over the top of the magazine and watched him settle back. She knew he would be determined to stay awake as long as she was. "I think I'm going to get some sleep. See you in the morning?"

"Yeah. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen when you get up." Elliot rubbed his eyes and stood carefully when black spots overtook his ability to see. "I think the milk is still good. There might be a few eggs, too. Make sure they haven't hatched." He knew he was probably not making much sense but he was too damn tired to care. "Nite, Liv."

Olivia watched him leave and felt heaviness settle in her chest. As she heard the door close, she felt at peace for the first time in a long time. In the silence of the room, removed from honking cars and cursing pedestrians, she thought that maybe everything was okay.

She'd gotten used to sleeping alone over the years. She'd wrap her arms around her pillow and crash out of sheer exhaustion. Other nights, she'd stare up at the ceiling and wish she didn't have to banish her demons alone. She'd heard a song once that reminded her of those dark moments in her apartment. One line in particular stood out, saying how when the lights went down that all you saw was the truth. She hummed the song as if she were listening to it on the radio. She didn't like country music but she didn't mind that song. God, how it rang true. She had no idea who the singer was and she almost Googled the lyrics but she'd gotten a call and hadn't gotten back to it since.

She set her magazine down and rubbed her hands together until the ink that had come off onto her fingers was less noticeable. Spotting a half-torn sheet of notebook paper, she searched for a pen. She lifted the cushions and found a mechanical pencil. The lead was going out but it worked. She jotted the familiar line down and stuffed the piece of paper into the magazine. Eventually, she'd get to it again. Quietly, she padded to the guest bedroom and closed the door behind her.

The room smelled of Elliot and she wondered if he'd slept in the small, twin-sized bed a time or two after a nightmare of his youngest children. Were they too old for that? She had no time frame to go off of. Would they go to his room instead? Walk up to the bed and whisper through broken-hearted sobs until a firm, yet gentle arm swept aside the covers.

She ran her fingertips over the sheet Elliot had just placed onto the bed; where his own hands had just been. She could almost feel the residual warmth. She climbed into bed and took a deep breath, wishing that her own apartment had that calming effect. Wondering for a brief moment what it would be like to walk into a shared bedroom, slip under the covers and into his arms.

Ooo

Olivia sighed and pressed the send button for the sixth time in less than an hour. Hearing the repetitive beep, she closed the phone and forced it back into her bag. Grinding her teeth, she paced the sidewalk. She startled when two feet came into view and snapped her head up slightly, mumbling a half-hearted apology to whomever she almost ran into.

The feet did not move, nor did the person speak. Her eyes trailed up dark, faded jeans and roamed further to the blue shirt tucked snugly into the denim. Toned, firm muscles with a tat… "Elliot?"

"You okay?" Elliot took in her set jaw, noticed the way she gripped the shoulder strap of her brand new messenger tote hard enough to the point where her fingertips had turned white.

"God, I just want this day to end. I really need it to end." She exhaled deeply, closed her eyes, and took a few calming breaths. One eye opened, then another. "I'm sorry. It's nothing."

"Still no power?" He'd seen her on the phone and although he'd seen her lips move, he knew it wasn't because of any phone call. He had guessed right. "Was last night that bad?" He smiled, letting her know he was kidding. He hated that at times, he even needed to. They used to be at a point where they could speak their minds and know there would be no repercussions.

"Oh, I wasn't calling them. I was checking on something with the bank and the phone lines are tied up. It's busy."

"You need some money?" He'd seen that look before but he couldn't recall what had happened for it return.

"What? No. No, I don't need any money. This time of month is always tight but I'm fine. Besides, you've got two kids in braces, Elliot. I'm not taking your money."

"Okay." He said nothing else. He eyed the door where he'd been headed after a quick stop to the corner café for a cup of coffee. She'd insisted she was fine, but he'd gotten her a tea anyway. Some days he wondered who was more stubborn.

"Thanks." For the tea even though she said she didn't want any but expected him to get it anyway. For not pushing but understanding that she needed him close in case she forgot that she was supposed to be tough. She reached out with tentative hands and grabbed the cup. "I wish I could move my desk out here."

"We could run the phone line through the squad room and out the door. Cragen might enjoy that. We'd be out of his hair for a while." Elliot leaned up against the building. The cool brick at his back felt good as he dipped into the shade. He could see the silhouette of the flag dancing around a line of ants marching single file to a discarded can of what looked to be some sort of energy drink.

"After all we've seen, sometimes I'm still amazed at the things people do to each other; to their own families." Although the case was high profile, it was textbook. Less than a half hour after they'd gotten into work, the phone rang.

Mr. Vicks had indeed consulted his lawyer and had taken the night to consider his options. Eventually, he'd caved. He'd sworn up and down that it wasn't his idea and that he was turning himself in with the hope that his sentence would be reduced. He'd written a touching statement, said all the right things so that he would not be the only one going down.

Word had already hit the press and a news crew posted outside of the house had the first glimpse of a sobbing woman exiting the house in handcuffs. The Senator, shocked with disbelief, had not come to the jail to see her. She was no longer his wife, he'd said.

"I had a friend in high school whose mother ran over his father after coming home from work late. Turns out the guy had just met with a private detective because he thought she was cheating on him. Guess that was the least of his problems. She'd hired a hit man and had been planning to kill him all along because she thought _he_ was having an affair. She got impatient and decided to do the job herself."

Olivia organized her thoughts, put the words in the right order. She bit her bottom lip, letting it slide between her teeth, giving her the extra time to retreat. She released her tight grip on the strap and crossed her arms over her chest protectively. "I don't know my mother's middle name." There, she'd said it, but the confusion was there. She knew it would be, she just hadn't planned out the next step. There was no book on how to say these things. She'd only thought about how to break the ice.

Elliot nodded, staying quiet. He resisted the urge to speak, to tell her that they'd get through it. But, for a rare moment in their partnership, their friendship, he had no idea what she'd meant so he kept his mouth shut.

"When my mother had her accident I started sending checks to pay for the funeral and everything. A few years ago, I thought I'd just pay it online and I was setting it up and on the last screen was this security question. Now I just pay it over the phone. I guess I could just use another question. I just…I can't believe that I never knew it. I should have known what my mother's middle name was, Elliot." She chuckled in the only way she knew how to right then and there. The self-deprecation seemed to fit the mood.

"Did you talk a lot, you and your mother?" He approached the subject slowly. After being partners for several years, they still had topics to shy away from unless brought up by the other person.

"Not really. We talked but not about anything important. Not until I was older. Most of the time I was just letting her know where I was going or how late I'd be out in case she needed me." She thought of all the times Elliot would mention some minute detail about Kathy and wondered what it'd be like to know someone that well. "I guess I should have asked. There are so many things that I don't know about her."

"Does it change anything? Knowing, I mean."

"I don't know if it does. When it happened, I thought I could just have the money deducted and not think about it. I thought, you know, I could just move on. Sometimes I don't want that monthly reminder. I used to ask myself if it mattered, really, that I had no idea what even her favorite color was. Then I'd just start to wonder if she even knew mine. You should know that about people you care about, right? Little things like that." She let her voice trail off, wishing that he'd interrupt but knowing he wasn't going to.

"I guess it does change things in one way or another. I think if I could fill in all the gaps then it'd be okay because I don't want to keep going back to the times I'd rather have lived by myself than with her as a mother." Olivia pushed up her shades that had been slipping down, inching toward her forehead. She could put them on and close herself off but she wouldn't. She couldn't afford it because she was alone and damn it she was tired of being that way.

"Give me your phone." Elliot held his hand out patiently. He waited for her to pull it out and place it onto his upturned palm. He scrolled through the list and grinned slightly. She was persistent. Shaking his head, he hit the send button. "Here."

Olivia nearly dropped the phone when it was shoved into her hands. She held it up to her ear and cursed. Of course it wouldn't be busy when he called. Like so many times before, she rattled off the necessary information and closed the phone. She stared down at it as if were a foreign object. "That was the last payment."

"Then no more going back. Not unless it's worth it." He stared into her eyes, hoping beyond all hope that she wouldn't.

As she turned toward the building, he placed a hand on the back of her shoulder and whispered into her ear.

"I know your favorite color."


End file.
